Years ago I attended a Promise Keepers event in Boulder, Colorado. Upon leaving the event I saw a man holding a sign asking a question, “Doesn’t God love homosexuals too?” I approached the man and asked him a question of my own, “Do you want an answer to your question, or are you just here to cause trouble? Because there is an answer.” He told me he wasn’t interested in an answer, so I respected his choice and walked away. There was no point in pushing or forcing the conversation, he wasn’t ready to hear it.

A few years later I was at a party thrown by a student at DU. The host had invited a lot of his church friends and a lot of others from school, so it was a good mix or people with diverse views. I met a student there and asked if he went to church with the host. “Oh no,” he said, “I’d never go to church.” When I asked him why he responded, “I’m gay.” I looked him in the eye and said, “What difference does that make?” He looked dumbfounded. “Christians don’t like gay people” he stated flatly. I looked around the room and saw about a dozen people I recognized from church. “You know there are a lot of people here who are Christians, right?” He nodded. “Have any of them acted like they dislike you?” He said, “No.” I smiled and asked one more question, “So what makes you think it would be any different at church?”

Of course the goal wasn’t to get him to go to church, it was to introduce him to the savior, but it got the conversation going. Unfortunately this guy had already reshaped his life in a homosexual identity and breaking through that isn’t something that happens in a single conversation. By treating him with the respect all people deserve (having been made in the image of God) his beliefs about God and God’s children were challenged.

I am not suggesting that Jesus-followers or churches should be accepting of a gay or transgender lifestyle, only that all have sinned and all are offered the grace of God. In high school I was having lunch with a new friend. He asked me pointedly, “What would you say if I told you I was gay?” Puzzled, I responded, “That depends. You have told me already that you are a Christian. If you mean that you struggle with homosexuality, I’d say we all have our struggles and help you overcome it. But it you mean you don’t see a problem with homosexuality and that you can embrace it and your faith together then we have a problem.”

Unfortunately he meant the later. What made the situation worse is that he had found a church in Denver that was teaching him what he wanted to hear, that homosexuality was not a sin. Teachings like this are nothing new, Paul had to deal with a similar situation in the Corinthian church (1 Corinthians 5.1-.5). The church was boasting about its tolerance regarding a man sleeping with his step-mother. Paul chastised them for their acceptance. It is one thing to accept a sinner, and another to accept sin.

We ought to deal compassionately with people and ruthlessly with sin. This is what makes evangelizing someone caught in the LGBT lifestyle so difficult as they have already accepted and, in fact, revel in their life of sin. If they are unwilling to cede authority to God for their lifestyle then they have no place in the body. This does not mean we should sever ties with them, only that the church is not the appropriate place for them. Any relationship with someone in the lifestyle must include loving and respectful calls to repentance.

Children require a different approach. Children have not yet adopted a lifestyle and are only trying to please their parents. Unfortunately our society has come to the place where gender is no longer considered an absolute, and some parents teach their children to explore cross-dressing and playing with toys inappropriate for their gender. In such cases it is the parents that must be approached. Explain to them that the church teaches Biblical manhood and womanhood and that their child should dress appropriate for their God-given gender at church. Offer them a Bible study on the topic to correct their thinking. If the parents submit to God’s teaching it is likely the child will as well. If the parents are not interested in God’s authority then one wonders why they are attending church in the first place. Get to the root of their behavior and continue to call them to Jesus. At no point should you assign motives to the parents that they have not admitted to. Instead, keep telling them about the Savior.